I’m just saying…

So Batwoman is a lipstick lesbian now. And CNN is making a big deal out of it.

I can see the motivation they allegedly have in creating this character for the sake of diversity. Sure, let’s have some gay Super Heroes™. There are gay people out there; it makes sense that there would be gay heroes. It would also make sense that there would be some overweight, ugly, and otherwise unsavory looking heroes (besides the monsters, because the even though the monsters are hideous in the story they look perfectly badass to us readers). But let’s maintain the idea of diversity within good-looking and physically well-endowed people here for a moment.

With the advent of the new Batwoman being a Gotham City high class socialite, and making her a “lipstick lesbian,” they’re not really promoting and displaying diversity. It wouldn’t be upon them to make a hero who just, I dunno, happens to be gay. They’re making a character for the character to be gay. Putting the purpose forward. If you think about it, it ain’t all that different from when characters like Black Vulcan and Luke Cage the Power Man were conceived. They wanted to make black characters, so they made characters whose purpose in existence, really, was being black. Kinda like this Batwoman scenario.

Picture this: What if they kept it a secret until the book came out. We see Batwoman out and about fighting crime and kicking ass and stuff. Then she comes home after a hard night’s work to go on a date with her girlfriend.

Y’know… revealing the detail as an aspect of her character at a good story moment, rather than reveal the fact waaaaay before the fact to stir up a benign shitstorm to get everyone to talk about it. Because it would probably have gotten the same amount of press, and they’d look less like assholes. Also, aren’t surprises just… better?

And along with Batwoman in their push for diversity, we’ve got a new Atom who’s Asian, and a new Blue Beetle who’s black. Because, as Maddox said, “True diversity comes from people who look different.”

(X-Men 3: The Last Stand)

Here, there be rant.

I’ve got a buddy. More than a buddy. One of my best friends. Goes by the name of Justin. A tall, lanky fellow, fellow film major, and Kung Fu black belt. More importantly, we’re both comics nerds, and hungrily devour news about upcoming comic book movies. We’d have these amazing and epic debates over what should/should not happen in the next film, what is or is not happening, and othersuch nonsense. Friends of ours know these debates. If memory serves right, we weren’t speaking to each other for about a month because of our “What should happen in Spider-Man 3″ debate. It was fierce.

Recently, I’ve grown weary of debates like these with him or anyone else for that matter. It got to the point where I was just left thinking, “I’m not the director. I’m not the producer. I’m not even the coffee monkey. Arguing about what should go on in these movies is fucking pointless.” It was fun once, screaming and ranting about Brett Ratner and shit. But it gives me a migraine now. If friends approach me with movie news or speculations or rumors or anything of the sort, well… Let’s just say I get pretty fucking irate.

So when I come across news on my own, I have no one to blame but myself. Or Xerexes, I guess. Comixpediating son of a bitch.

Now, I pretty much agree with the basic assessments of this blogger here. Sure, the costumes could be better. Sure, Stacy X is a pointless damned character to have in the movie, and it’s damned weird that she’s standing alongside Psylocke and Callisto. Overall, it seems like there’s a lot of stuff being crammed into the movie, over saturating it with “X-tra” characters. So it’s looking not so good, the movie. People are screaming, forums are shouting, fans are foaming at the mouth. The movie could turn out to not be what the fans want.

Oh fucking well.

It’s getting harder and harder to identify myself as a comic book fan. Because we comic book fans are a selfish lot. Trained by our very own entertainment source to be sticklers for hardcore continuity. Growing up reading the monthly escapades of our beloved characters, etc.

The bulk of the superbook fandom, like most fandoms, attains this great sense of entitlement over the characters and worlds they read. So when a movie like Daredevil or Punisher comes out, that are both inaccurate and straight up bad movies, the fandom goes nuts.

Personally, I’m getting fucking tired of it. So I’m going to say this to all the frothing fanboys and comic book readers who waste an excess amount of time predicting and pre-scripting and pre-viewing the movies and their contents in their heads. To all of those who let loose a bloody, screaming rage because the movie didn’t go their way:

They didn’t make the movie for you, they made the movie for everybody. And if you expect them to do otherwise, then you have no clue how Hollywood works.

I’m no expert on Hollywood. Closest I’ve been is to LA, and that was for E3. Not even the same industry. I am, however, a filmmaker, so I have a base insight if nothing else. But to make a movie for the super-niche audience that is the comic book reader is a big, big risk financially. Sure, they could do a panel-by-panel by-the-book 100% accurate rendition of Frank Miller’s The Dark Knight Returns. But you’ll be excluding a huge chunk of people who don’t even know who the fuck The Dark Knight is.

Making a big budget movie requires many safety nets to ensure that at the bare minimum, you break even. One of those safety nets is simplification of the story, in the sense of adjusting it for the common viewer. And there’s a great difference between that and “dumbing it down.” As long as you have all the base elements from the original story, you’re solid. Eschewing these things is the difference between a good and bad adaptation.

So there’s room for change. In X-Men, they decided to make the starting X-Men Cyclops, Jean, Storm, and Wolverine (as opposed to Angel, Beast, Cyclops, Iceman and Jean). And that was fine. It was still a good X-Men story because you had the social conflict between humans and mutants, a main villain that opposes or otherwise hinders the belief of peaceful co-existence, and the X-Men willing to fight for those that hate and fear them. Storywise, that’s all you need (aside from, I’d argue, Professor X and the school. I feel those are essential for an opening X-Men story. The characters are variable). So in X-Men, we had a very decent departure from the true “origin story,” but because we had all the basic elements it was a faithful adaptation.

Combined, of course, with smashing presentation and performances. That’s crucial for any movie, regardless of story.

But there’s the whole mentality that needs 100% faithful adaptation. The mentality that refuses to accept variations of every kind. I knew a lot of folks who were pissed off that Spider-Man had biological web shooters, rather than mechanical. Honestly, who gives a fuck? That’s really incidental to the story’s meaning and message.

And when the movie comes out, and you invariably disagree with some part of the adaptation, you can go ahead and be annoyed. That’s fine and reasonable. Disagree, talk about why you thought it was wrong, or how it could be changed. That’s good ol’ healthy criticism.

But don’t be that guy who posts on the forum screaming for the head of Director or Writer because they “betrayed you.” Getting that angry about it doesn’t do a goddamned thing, and only helps to tarnish the reputation and image of the comic book reader. Relax and accept that there’s room for reasonable change during the adaptation. But think about the changes they made, and try to think about why they made them. If you’re stumped, it’s because they did it so more people than just you might enjoy the movie. Because they’re trying to make some money. Which, ultimately, was why the characters were created in the first place anyway.

So I’m talking to The William G (it’s like A Tribe Called Quest, you say the whole thing) the other day, and he pointed me out to that Korean Comics Rental Industry hoo-hah. I gave it a quick skim, and we began talking about what The William G thinks is the core roadblock to having that sort of system here in the states: Collector Mentality. Something I fancy myself to know a bit of. After it went on for a while we decided this should definitely be posted online, and he let me do the honors. So here’s the conversation, from beginning to end, edited for length and clarity. Enjoy.

The William G: Remind me to not follow any referrers back to blogs.
Phil Kahn: Why’s this?
The William G: Got some Kurtz fan boy talking shit about me and now I’m in a mood.
Phil Kahn: Let me see this article in question.
The William G: Hmm… Lemme check the history.
The William G: (URL REMOVED)
The William G: I know, it’s all relative
Phil Kahn: True enough.
Phil Kahn: But this is what happens when you thrust yourself out there as a public figure and all that.
The William G: Sure. My anger is dissipating now. Still a bit wired though. Bad thing to be at 5am.
Phil Kahn: Dude, it’s 5AM where you are. Get some sleep, dude.
The William G: The curse of starting work at three in the afternoon and having sweet fuck all to do in the morning. Not like I can catch Regis here. Since I got yah… http://thewilliamg.blogspot.com/2005/12/korea-and-online-comics.html Read it if you haven’t. Tell me what you think of the “Collector culture” idea as a roadblock to comics’ success. It’s all theory of course.
Phil Kahn: I think it’s absolutely a roadblock. Our culture takes these comics that were created for a purely entertainment purpose, and tries as damned hard as we can to add an intrinsic value that doesn’t exist. The value, based very highly on sentimentality as well as exclusivity. Like 1st issues. The first few issues of X-Men blew. I’ve read the first five in trade paperback form, and I’m not afraid to admit that early X-Men were pretty lame. At least by today’s standards. It wasn’t until they were able to give X-Men edge without being “extreme” that they had redeeming quality as stories.
The William G: The Stan stuff? Or the Claremont “Adjective-less X Men”?
Phil Kahn: Early early. Stan stuff and sorta later. Pre-Claremont. Pre-Byrne.
The William G: Okay.
Phil Kahn: It’s really ironic, because these days Claremont sucks. You wouldn’t think, but his stuff is lame in the X-books these days. Anyhoo, these characters and archetypes that resonate with us not only as readers, but as human beings… We put a lot of value on them sentimentally. Like a teddy bear. The Teddy Bear you grew up with is inherently valueless. But to you, it’s priceless. The Collector Culture makes me think of that. The key difference is that the sentiments are shared by a large group of people.
Phil Kahn: So a group of people, many of which might not even like superman, all agree that the first issue is worth half a million bucks. Because they are willing to pay for it. And this translates across the board, because the same values are applied to first appearances of other characters, as well as exceedingly rare comics.
Phil Kahn: And the publishers got wise on the collector mentality. So they started making variants. And alternate covers. And special editions.
The William G: You seem to have thought about this
Phil Kahn: Not too hard, actually. But since you brought it up, y’know? Anyway, the publishers got wise to the collector mentality. So they can now publish the same fucking book, with a different cover, and make a bunch more money. Because it costs them much less to make. And then there’s creator signings.
Phil Kahn: I mean, realistically, how much more valuable could a comic book be because it was signed by the creator? That’s counter-intuitive to me. Because the guy sharpie’d all over the fucking comic! So how do we classify it, collector wise? Damaged or Signed? And if you get that book signed, it would require verification and forgery detection and all that nonsense.
Phil Kahn: But the idea of creator signing adding monetary value to a comic is weird to me. Because if Collector A loves Spider-Man, and has the latest milestone issue signed by Brian Hudlin or whoever was writing it… And he tries to sell it to Collector B, who doesn’t like Spider-Man (and in fact hates Brain Hudlin), is that book still “valuable?”
Phil Kahn: Not to Collector B it ain’t. No matter how hard Collector A tries to convince him. So the collector value of comics is rooted very strongly in sentimentality. And every other comic is not just a cheap $3 thrill, but a possible investment. So they bag ‘em, board ‘em, and put ‘em in a box. Because comics demand respect to them. And why?

Phil Kahn: Because the majority of the planet says they don’t. I say comics demand respect because they’re a versatile artistic and storytelling medium. And they demand the same respect that any other medium deserves. Not more or less. But the same.
The William G: you are copying all of this down, right?
Phil Kahn: Yeah, I’ll save the convo. I used to be a collector, y’know. Not even a real collector. A vicarious collector. When I was 10-14 I read the shit out of Wizard and ToyFare. I considered myself a collector, despite not owning a single collectable item.
The William G: I semi-collected. But I got bored with them so I sold them off
Phil Kahn: That’s something there. The marketability of collector’s items. They’re marketable to only two types of people: Collectors, and people who think they can buy it and sell it themselves for a profit.
The William G: I got jack shit for them. That made me realize it was a pretty stupid business. Time proved me right, as it always does
Phil Kahn: Definitely a stupid business in the sense that it’s a tremendously high risk business. There’s a ton of money to be made in collecting. It’s just extremely hard to do. And rare.

(Editors note: Huh. A business strategy with a low probability for success. That sounds familiar…)

The William G: Just not for the collectors
Phil Kahn: It’s weird, too when you think about it. It’s really the same money and items just switching hands over and over again. Until the item eventually finds a home. And even then, it’s only home for so long. But the reason we don’t have that comics rental system is because over here, comics aren’t as widely appreciated (outside of the newspaper).
Phil Kahn: Korea? Japan? They manage to have comics about… *gasp* NOT SUPERHEROES! Scott McCloud said it best: “Superbooks are like chocolate cake. I love chocolate cake. But who wants to only eat chocolate cake for the rest of their lives?”
The William G: Well, that’s more a thing of history than anything else. Post war Japan and Korea needed cheap entertainment so renting comics and other books became a major industry.
Phil Kahn: Right. Their comics are easier to do in a rental system, as well. Thicker books, stronger paper stock. They’re worth more on the most basic level because they cost more to make, and have more content. The American Comic book is very, very fragile (adding to the need to bag & board).
Phil Kahn: But to conclude, you’re absolutely right about collector mentality being a major roadblock to the Korean style of comics consumption. Renting comics are also impractical for American comics on the whole, with the fact that they release them in 24 page installments. And the cost of renting such an item, plus the raw ruinability, would be the same cost as just buying it. Comics range from $2.25 to $3.50. That’s the price of a video or DVD rental these days. So it could work for bigger graphic novels, but definitely not for issues.
The William G: I’m thinking TPBs may work well with that system
Phil Kahn: Exactly. $2 to rent an $11 Spider-Man TPB. And then? If you decide you want to own it? You can give ‘em $9. That system could potentially be pretty sweet. And if they encouraged the big publishers to put out like, quarterly TPBs instead of monthly issues? I’d be totally fine with that. Especially with knocking out them ads.
The William G: It’d be a major hit to their finances though. They earn a lot by double selling the material.
Phil Kahn: They do. However, if the overall quality and diversity of the books could improve, that would rock as well. Both for the hypothetical system, and for the quality of the books themselves. And hey, they could still feed collector culture by releasing limited edition variants, creator signed copies, special editions with extra art and creator commentary… The works. And being able to read an entire 5-issue story arch in one sitting is so much more potent than reading monthly story installments.
Phil Kahn: But it would take a very long time for our pop culture mentality to adjust to comics. And some damned clever marketing. And some NON SUPERBOOKS.
The William G: yeah… okay, I’m fading. Talk to you later. Can’t wait to read the essayfied version of this.

Don’t worry, Eric. I’ll get to QC in a bit. Something else demands my attention at the moment.

And that something is X-Men 3.

The new trailer is out, and I’m really really pondering over it. I’m taking all the input I can from really only out of context visual stimuli. And as I’m watching, I’m hearing the echoes of many heated nerd conversations between my X-Fan peers. We’re really weary about this new installment. Mostly because Bryan Singer is not at the helm. Neither is David Hayter (who, in addition to having written the first two X-Men flicks, is Solid Fucking Snake). So who do we have?

We’ve got Brett Ratner. Yeah. Rush Hour Brett Ratner. Don’t get me wrong, I enjoyed Rush Hour 1 & 2. They were very entertaining. But they’re not X-Men.

Whatever, I’m just not comfortable with anyone who’s not Bryan Singer doing X-Men.

Watching the trailer, I’m seeing a lot is being borrowed from the Ultimate X-Men series, as well as bits and pieces from Grant Morrison’s run (it seems). However, if you’re an X-Fan and you are interested in peeing your pants, check out the Extended Cast List. There’s a lot of goddamned mutants right there. We can probably expect an all out mutant war between Xavier’s School and Magneto’s Brotherhood. And that has definite autourinational potential.

Oh, and Kelsey Grammar as Beast. And he looks great. And Vinnie Jones as Juggernaut? Not at all a bad choice.

The casting is turning out to be stellar so far. With the exception, of course, of Halle Berry as Storm. But then again, she got involved in X-Men before she won the Oscar and became a tremendously self-important bitch (or so I irrationally believe).

Anyway, I’m excited, and cautiously optimistic. If I were able, I would be very inclined to cryogenically freeze myself until the release of X-Men 3. Because the suspense is slowly murdering me.

Tonight, I’ve got nice and special for you a fresh AIM convo betwixt myself and Rob Balder. What happened prior, is after joking around about Superman shitting (from Brown Kryptonite Laxative), Rob mentioned that he’s not very in touch with the modern superbook scene (I don’t blame him, he’s not missing that much). I began to rant, as an elitist critic might, about how Comics “Aren’t as good as they used to be.” So I submit to you, the high point in the conversation.

Phil Kahn: Superbooks? Well they just suck right now. Mostly because we’re in the middle of/coming down from Super-Crossovers in both Marvel and DC comics. With Marvel, there’s a huge problem: Pretty much one guy is writing everything that has to do with the Marvel universe et al. Brian Michael Bendis. That fucker. I resent him. Resent, not hate. Because I don’t like what he does, but I can’t help being entertained by his work.
Rob Balder: Ah. The Brannon Braga of Marvel I am guessing
Phil Kahn: It’s like laughing at a joke that you know is not supposed to be funny. I don’t know who Brannon Braga is. Lemme wiki…
Rob Balder: Fucker who crashed the Star Trek franchise. I think first name is Brannon.
Phil Kahn: Tis.
Rob Balder: Could be Brandon
Phil Kahn: Yeah, ok. Well, he isn’t exactly crashing Marvel into the ground. But he pretty much has a monopoly on all the big stories.
Rob Balder: That’s what Braga did for years over several series. And movies.
Phil Kahn: Mm. Bendis is trying to write the biggest shit that ever happened to Marvel. He did the following: Established that Nick Fury, the most well-respected secret ops soldier and head of S.H.I.E.L.D. (The World’s Secret Service), started and administered a war against Latveria (the Marvel-Madeup country where Doctor Doom, one of the biggest bad guys of all Marveldom, is Lord and Master most of the time). In secret. For so far, spurious reasons. This was all outlined in the yet-to-be-completed Secret War saga, which the conclusory part five is now a year overdue. Disassembled the Avengers, Marvel’s Justice League, and killed off a few of them. Most notably Hawkeye (wholly unnecessary).
Rob Balder: First Henry Blake and now Hawkeye?
Phil Kahn: (Good one) Established the New Avengers, whose rooster consists of Captain America, Iron Man, Spider-Woman (The First), Luke Cage the Power Man, Wolverine, Spider-Man, The Sentry (A SUPER OBSCURE PRANK CHARACTER BY STAN LEE WHO’S ALMOST AS POWERFUL AS FUCKING SUPERMAN), and Soon to be Daredevil (in the guise of Ronin, a ninja, so he won’t sully the Avengers name). Directed the entire run of The House of M, which was this year’s giant crossover, which the super typical Marvel “Alternate Universe that returns everything to status quo except one detail,” where Wolverine was the essential hero. Now at its conclusion, apparently 95% of the world’s mutants no longer are mutants (Including notable X-Man Iceman), and Wolverine now REMEMBERS HIS PAST ENTIRELY. I put that in capitals because he basically removed Wolverine’s one major weakness/character intrigue. The fact that he had no idea what his past was. It was blocked out by the sick fuckos at the Weapon X program who laced his skeleton with Adamantium. So, Wolverine practically no longer has depth.
Rob Balder: It’s not the depth of the character; it’s the motion of the ocean.
Phil Kahn: Now, the inherent problem with everything Bendis does is that his primary writing method is decompressed storytelling. Basically meaning, stretching everything out as long as you can. Now this makes some stories longer than others. So things that need to be happening at the same time aren’t fucking happening at the same time. And apparently, that’s why the conclusion of Secret War still has yet to come out: Because he’s not ready for it. Now, the potential power that Secret War had is essentially nullified. Because no one fucking cares anymore. And with his New Fucking Avengers? Spider-Man? Daredevil? Power Man? Wolverine? Spider-Woman? The Sentry? All lone wolf heroes.
Rob Balder: That would be a GREAT band name. The New Fucking Avengers
Phil Kahn: It would.
Rob Balder: I’d pay the cover.
Phil Kahn: But you can’t have a pack comprised entirely of lone wolves.
Rob Balder: Except for webcomics.
Phil Kahn: … Rob.
Rob Balder: Webcomics is the exception which proves that rule.
Phil Kahn: If you don’t mind, I’m going to make this conversation a post on I’m Just Saying. Because that? Profound.
Rob Balder: Heheh not at all.
Phil Kahn: But nevertheless, you see why I fucking resent Bendis. He’s doing so many things that I am simply not happy with. Yet, when I read all these stories? I’m enjoying them. They’re well written, in and of themselves. He’s a great dialogue writer, and he knows his characters. Speaking of which, that’s the other thing about the New Fucking Avengers: All of the rooster, save Cap and Iron Man, are his “Pet Characters.” His Crutch Characters. So while he does write all of them exceptionally well, they’re still his crutch. So, not hatred for him. But resentment. And you can probably tell, Rob, that this is a subject on which I am passionate.
Rob Balder: I understand. It’s not the sense that it sucked, but the sense that it could have been so much better. The feeling of wasted potential. Same with the Star Trek universe.
Phil Kahn: Yes, it’s quite similar.
Rob Balder: Versus the Star Wars prequels, which just sucked out loud.
Phil Kahn: Wasted potential in a different sense, though. Because with Star Trek, as I see it (not being a real fan of any sort), there’s things that they could be doing that they simply aren’t. Wasted Energy. With Bendis and Marvel, this is stuff that’s taking that Potential Energy, and using it the wrong way.
Rob Balder: Ah I see.
Phil Kahn: Or in Bendis’s case, not using enough energy. Because he takes too fucking long to write his shit. Oh, he’ll have it on time every time. But stories that could span two issues require five or six. Shit like that.
Rob Balder: I see.
Phil Kahn: It’s very hard to be a Marvel Loyalist right now.
Rob Balder: I guess it must be.
Phil Kahn: Whew. Ok, I think I’ve gotten my argument concluded. Thanks Rob, now I have something to post.
Rob Balder: Heheh sure no prob.

Well Free Comic Book Day has come and gone, and I hope all you good little comic book kids out there went and got yourself some nice free comics. I got mine and unfortunately for me, my store wouldn’t let me take one of everything. Ah well, I still managed to pick what I expected to be some of the better choices, deliberately skipping over what seemed like flagrant bullshit. Although I did pick up a couple of stinkers because hey, they were free.

Part of the delay up to this point on getting this out was the fact that I couldn’t figure out how I wanted to format it. Since I’ve basically run out of time (read: that damned Will G’s pestering me to post my WCCA picks), I decided to just lay it all out there and put it under a cut, so as to give everyone with slower connections cushion. Well, without further ado, here’s my Free Comic Book Day Roundup!

(more…)

(Shaolin Cowboy, by Geoff Darrow & Robert Doherty)

Yes, I know. I’m still working on the Free Comic Book Day roundup post. In the meantime, I want to point out the sheer awesome that is Shaolin Cowboy.

Shaolin Cowboy is kind of like what would happen if Quentin Tarantino directed Samurai Jack while he was plastered. The first issue introduces our hero, the nameless Shaolin Cowboy and his steed, a donkey. Soon, he is ambushed by a veritable legion of crooks and murderers, out for his blood. When they threaten his life, he immediately begins to massacre the lot of them. In ways that make Sin City look tame.

I really dig the wriggly lines Geoff uses to draw everything. Gives it a sense of style, and overall helps to convey the mood of the action: Preposterous. I’d ruin it for you if I gave you the highlights, but one bit is when he slices out a layer of a man’s neck in the blink of an eye, then kicks it out (which is then caught hungrily by a jack russel terrier in the background).

Issue 2 is where a bit of back story comes in, mainly the origin story of someone who hates the Shaolin Cowboy with all the rage he can muster. A king crab. A king crab that has studied the martial arts, in order to take down the Shaolin Cowboy. A king fucking crab. With Nazi tattoos. Along with all the other talking animals.

This book is totally off the wall humor with balls to the wall action. It’s damned good, and I suggest you pick it up at your local comic shop.