I’m just saying…

(From Yirmuhmah!, by D.J. Coffman & Bob McDeavitt.)

Ok, I’m not going to talk about the Llama. No.

There’s a war going on. An intricately woven plot involving the icons of the Fast Food moguls we all know and love. Ronald McDonald is slain. Wendy and Burger King I are plotting to overthrow Burger King II. Shit is going down.

But where are the other icons during this scuffle? Why isn’t the Taco Bell Chihuahua rabidly attacking his enemies? What great coup could Colonel Sanders and his Guerilla Chicken Army be plotting? Will the Carl’s Jr. Star come careening down to earth and everyone will have to join forces in order to stop it, done to an Aerosmith song? Will Johnny Rocket, The Red Robin and Fuddrucker make a surprise attack claim the victory in the name of slightly less fast food? What about the super heroic Whattaguy and Addaboy, defending the rights of the citizens in all this mess? Will the Sonic Empire drown the earth in slushy death? Will the Checkers Regime eat us out of house and planet? Is Jared Fogle the second coming? Is there a surprise in store from Jack-in-the-Box? Will Arby’s slow roast their defiers to their doom? Will Roy Rogers be the hero he was born to be? Will Kenny Rogers write a protest song, capitalizing off the war? Who’s defending the White Castle?

Dear god… I can’t handle the suspense!

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