I’m just saying…

So. I’m fried. Too much to do, not enough time to do it in, and having no clue where to start. I’m sure you’re familiar with the concept. So I’m just going to get right into it and my apologies for not having my usual panache while writing. I’m really fucking tired.

It seems like every goddamned webcomic I’m reading has been hitting milestone landmarks and/or unveiling a big reveal and/or hitting a major turning point in the story. I want to talk about that, and I want to talk about plot predictions. I don’t normally engage in such an activity, because I’m the kind of guy who likes to be surprised. I’m not going to do any thumbnails for the comics I talk about because there’s a lot I’m going over, but links will be provided for your ease.

Also, I suppose this is the part where I say SPOILER WARNING, even if it’s mild. So I would recommend that you, the wonderful reader, minimize this here window, open up a new one, read all your comics for the day, and come back. I’ll be waiting.

…

Ok, you back? Cool.

Let’s start with Sam & Fuzzy. Now, we know that Sexxica is and always has been Candice. That’s big. Today, we found out that the demon that lived in the fridge is alive and well, with a new and more powerful host. And he remembers Sam very well. So well in fact, that he decreed that Sam was an enemy to the Ninja Mafia, and must be brought in. Candice/Sexxica is bringing Sam in, in order to get close to the leader of the Ninja Mafia (inhabited by the refrigerator demon), so she can kill him. Sounds complicated. That’s because it is. Sam & Fuzzy has just reached its 500th strip, and that’s a lot of history and continuity. Everyone’s paths have at some point crossed with everyone else’s by now. And here we are getting ready for a big ol’ confrontation. What’s going to happen? I say Sexxica and the fridge demon are going to throw down for a bit (possibly with Fuzzy involved), and either an outside party is going to come out of nowhere and shut it all down, or Sam will make a definitive step towards becoming an assertive individual and take control. But knowing Sam Logan, it’ll probably be something I could never expect.

Over at the house of CAD, things are definitely reaching the boiling point. The conpeoples have got the wrong man in Lucas, and the fact remains is that someone is getting an inheritance. Likely Ethan. Makes sense, as he’s always been the lucky dimwit and things usually tend to be solved for him. The X-Bot will probably save the day, earning him back his trust from the gang, and Ethan will get that inheritance (and possibly also some reward money for catching the crooks) and he’ll blow it all on something. Probably video games. I don’t know, Ethan might be into those.

Questionable Content finally pops the big question. We’ve reached the part of the story where the big, direct confrontation (the one the entire story has been dancing around and leading up to) has been confronted. Faye asked Marten if he has feelings for her. He confirms. She tells him it can never be. Could be construed as clicé, but I prefer to think of it as formulaic. Because it’s one of those things that are used very, very often in storytelling across the board, but work just about every time because it’s real. This happens. Eventually, you have to bring up this issue when you’re getting involved with somebody. And now Faye’s starting to talk about why it could never work between them, and how much it involves her father. Needless to say, everyone’s all over this now because it’s big important shit. My prediction? I have no specific one. I don’t know what is going to be revealed with her father, and I don’t have a good guess as to what will happen with Marten & Faye. In my mind, it could go any direction. So I’ll sit back and watch.

Another little bomb has been dropped that’s worthy of mention. Niego is ending. Major, major bummer. I always seem to get into a comic right as it’s about to end. Call me “Captain Late-to-the-party.”

Similar to dropping a bomb is the act of bombing. And I don’t like to just go out there and be all “TEH SUX” on things, it’s not my style. But Wapsi Square lately has been leaving me feeling alienated and confused. There are two separate stories in this comic, definitively: The everyday lives of this cast of nutty hot chicks, and the developing mystery and magic of the Chimera that lives with Monica. The strip, lately, has been doing either one story or the other. Which is not working too well for me. The Aztec Mythology stuff is cool, and doesn’t get a whole lot of coverage in media, webcomics or otherwise. But it feels out of place. The real magic behind Wapsi Square for me is the everyday life stuff. The cast of characters that I’ve grown attached to and love and all that (and the tits, I suppose… There’s magic there as well). I like all that stuff so much more than the Aztec Mythology, and definitely feel like it’s executed with better results. So basically, I’m starting to lose interest in Wapsi Square, which is something I definitely do not want to do. My recommendation to Paul would be work harder at combining the stories of the Aztec stuffs and the everyday life stuffs and make them a unified story like they deserve to be. Of course, it might just be me. I’m sure lots of people like it just the way it is.

But the big bomb, I saved for last. The one of these bombs that made me jump out of my seat and squeal with amazement. Because finally, at long last, our questions have been answered. And that’s just a big cause for celebration on its own.

It’s pretty exciting stuff in webcomics story wise right now. But let me get back to the first point I brought up. There’s a nagging thing for me. And this is by no means the fault of anyone else. The thing is that all these comics are all coming out with their milestones and revelations and major turning points and everything at once, and having all that happen together kind of cheapens each of them for me individually. It’s harder for me to appreciate the gravity of each of these events individually, when they’re all happening at the same time. Like I don’t get to pay enough attention to one, because all the rest are taking some of my attention away as well. Not to mention the slight overwhelming feeling.

Otherwise, yes. Webcomics are looking pretty motherfuckering good right now.

Awright dudes. Here’s the skinny on a thing I’m doing. With stuff. A thing with stuff. And whatnot.

PhilCon is coming up. It’s a convention devoted entirely to the awesome that emanates from my being in all of its various forms and incarnations. Yea verily, it shall be a day of glorious, glorious Phil.

Actually I’m lying. Really hard. It’s a sci-fi convention, and courtesy of The Legendary Rob Balder, I get to be a guest. It will be myself, himself, Bryan Prindiville, possibly Rich Burlew (still waiting for confirmation) speaking at a webcomics panel. And partying. There’ll be a lot of partying. At least there’d better be. Or I’ll be miffed, I tell you what.

In fact, I should play the PhilCon drinking game. It’ll only work for me though, perhaps maybe anyone else who’s with me. Every time someone shouts out my last name Shatner-style, you take a drink. It’s a Sci-Fi con, after all. I’ll probably be bombarded with that.

Which… makes me think twice about playing that game. I’m not exactly in the mood to get alcohol poisoning.

At any rate, if you’re in the Philly area that weekend (Dec. 9th-11th), and in the mood for a Sci-Fi convention, c’mon out and see me. I’ll be the big, bearded, long-haired loudmouth that has absolutely no idea what he’s talking about. Can’t miss him.

I have to take a moment and congratulate Mr. Jerry Holkins upon the arrival of his very own Elliot Jacob Holkins. Congratulations, my man. You get to be a daddy now.

So I’m back here in Maryland for the Turkish Day. Food is good, family is good, all is splendiforous.

Upon my Uncle & Cousin’s recommendation, my father and I watched an episode of Lost. In the car ride racing home in time to see it, their backstory for the show comprised mainly of this:

“They crashes on this island, and they’re split up into two groups: The front end and the back end.”
“Basically, every episode we learn about one of the characters. We see snippets of their history and learn about them.”
“Ok, so Jack is important to know. He’s a doctor.”
“And there’s polar bears. It’s a government experimentational facility.”
“And there’s this chick who’s a murderer.”
“There’s these two black guys, one’s just a regular guy and the other’s a total badass.”
“And there’s this other guy who’s an Iraqi Soldier.”
“He has to keep pushing this button or the world will end. We don’t really think that’s true but you never know.”

And so on. I’m reminded of the portion of the notorious Blank Label Comics Podcast where they were riffing on Lost and I was finally getting what they were talking about.

What did I think?

The show is completely inaccessable to anyone who hasn’t been watching since the beginning.

Rife with painful melodrama, poor acting, shaky cameras, weak premise, weaker plot, and too many goddamned characters. However, while watching it, I could feel myself being sucked in. Now I thought real hard about it, and wondered why I was being convinced into caring about this show. And I figured out not only that, but the entire draw of the show in and of itself.

The thing is, the guys who make this show give you so few details about anything, that you have to put all your focus and attention into it to try and piece some semblance of a story together. They tell you nothing, so you start theorizing and pontificating about what, indeed, the fuck you are watching. It’s like a soap opera where everything is subtext and implied story business.

I’m glad I don’t watch TV much. Because I know I would be all over this show. I know it’s bad, but I would watch it anyway. If it weren’t for the fact that I despise coming into a movie from the middle, and refuse to do so, I would probably be getting into this program.

And my Uncle & Cousin completely agree. It’s preposterous and melodramatic, but they love it.

It’s just one of those things.

T’s got a good discussion going on over at his place. It’s a subject worthy of discussion. Wikipedia’s corruption of sorts, the value of fighting for webcomics “rights” in Wikipedia, and methods of getting the Comixpedia.org wiki out there. It breaks down like this:

Wikipedia, the free encyclopedia, and their moderators have been deleting webcomics they don’t claim to be notable, basing their judgment of notoriety on pretty much nothing. They’re making decisions on these deletions based on large discussions, debating over what’s noteworthy and what isn’t. This ruffles the feathers of all us in the webcomics camp because if they’re going to trim the webcomics they have in their database, they could be going about it a hell of a lot more intelligently. Also, see Will G’s “Webcomics Under Attack!” post.

The Comixpedia wiki has both its positives and negatives. On the plus, it’s got a lot of comprehensive data collected about a multitude of webcomics, and climbing. It’s run by intelligent moderators who know plenty about webcomics to give it justice, and it’s freely accessible and alterable, just like a good wiki. However, the negative, and this is a big negative…

How are people, who aren’t webcomics savvy, going to fucking find this thing?

As much as I may hate to admit it, this is why we need the big Wikipedia. We need them to have data on a good deal of us, so newcomers have another solid way of discovering webcomics, and the audience will grow, and the opportunities for turning webcomics into a solid business becomes greater, and micropayments will finally work, and yadda yadda yadda.

Don’t let my sarcasm throw you off too much. I’m aware of how important it is to keep new people coming into webcomics, and all media for that matter. I’m aware of how much we need Wikipedia, despite it being run by enough people who lose sight of the main purpose of Wikipedia (as we understand it): The most comprehensive free information available. So… by deleting stuff that isn’t “notable,” they’re cutting down on the amount of comprehensive free information that could be available. Which, I’ve heard, was aiming to add up to “The most.”

T mentions my “two terse words.” I left these words in the comments discussion going on over at Websnark. They sum up how I feel about the Wikipedia debate deep down inside, and were my basic attempt of tossing $0.02 into the deep well full of discussion that is a single Websnark post. Seriously, the real reason I don’t get involved in discussions over there is because I don’t have the time to keep up. So, if you don’t feel like scouring over the (as of this typing) 154 comments, I can put ‘em right here:

“Fuck ‘em.”

That’s my basic sentiment on Wikipedia. As far as I’m concerned, they’re not any source of material I’d use for doing research on webcomics. Which isn’t to say I do all that much research on webcomics per se. But in times of need, there’s the Comixpedia Wiki.

Which seriously needs a name all its own. We can’t keep calling it the Comixpedia Wiki, or Comixpedia.org while the Comixpedia ‘Zine is still called Comixpedia.

But anyway, fuck ‘em. Personally, I’m done with them. I’m by no means any sort of webcomics revolutionary, in that I don’t make it my personal mission to spread the gospel of webcomics to the world at large. I abstain, because I know that there are plenty of other people who are much more capable of that than I am. And they’re doing it, wherever they are. So I do my part by not getting in their way.

(Wait… am I actually spreading awareness of the need to spread awareness?)

The fuck ‘em really comes down to me not being too moved personally about the issue. I’m not going to lie and pretend like I’m passionate about the issue, I’m not going to fake like this is the hot issue of my week and that I require immediate satisfaction. I don’t feel all that personally offended.

However, I know what the issue is. We need Wikipedia, whether we like it or not, alongside the Comixpedia Wiki. We need both. In the same way we need both a world map and a road map. One covers the generalities, and one gets down to the specifics.

To me, Wikipedia is like communism. It’s a utopian concept where everyone is equal, everyone has access to everything, and everything is in harmony. But in order ton ensure such a completely equal society, someone has to watch over it and make sure everything’s working properly. And the minute you have that person, the equality is gone, and the system fails. It’s a concept that looks fantastic on paper, but has a lot of trouble actually functioning.

So to sum up: Wikipedia… Good. Some of the people running Wikipedia… bad. Comixpedia.org… Good. Scale of awareness of Wikipedia in comparison to Comixpedia.org… bad.

What do we do?

Beats the hell out of me.

But it sure is an enthralling topic of discussion.

Tonight, I’ve got nice and special for you a fresh AIM convo betwixt myself and Rob Balder. What happened prior, is after joking around about Superman shitting (from Brown Kryptonite Laxative), Rob mentioned that he’s not very in touch with the modern superbook scene (I don’t blame him, he’s not missing that much). I began to rant, as an elitist critic might, about how Comics “Aren’t as good as they used to be.” So I submit to you, the high point in the conversation.

Phil Kahn: Superbooks? Well they just suck right now. Mostly because we’re in the middle of/coming down from Super-Crossovers in both Marvel and DC comics. With Marvel, there’s a huge problem: Pretty much one guy is writing everything that has to do with the Marvel universe et al. Brian Michael Bendis. That fucker. I resent him. Resent, not hate. Because I don’t like what he does, but I can’t help being entertained by his work.
Rob Balder: Ah. The Brannon Braga of Marvel I am guessing
Phil Kahn: It’s like laughing at a joke that you know is not supposed to be funny. I don’t know who Brannon Braga is. Lemme wiki…
Rob Balder: Fucker who crashed the Star Trek franchise. I think first name is Brannon.
Phil Kahn: Tis.
Rob Balder: Could be Brandon
Phil Kahn: Yeah, ok. Well, he isn’t exactly crashing Marvel into the ground. But he pretty much has a monopoly on all the big stories.
Rob Balder: That’s what Braga did for years over several series. And movies.
Phil Kahn: Mm. Bendis is trying to write the biggest shit that ever happened to Marvel. He did the following: Established that Nick Fury, the most well-respected secret ops soldier and head of S.H.I.E.L.D. (The World’s Secret Service), started and administered a war against Latveria (the Marvel-Madeup country where Doctor Doom, one of the biggest bad guys of all Marveldom, is Lord and Master most of the time). In secret. For so far, spurious reasons. This was all outlined in the yet-to-be-completed Secret War saga, which the conclusory part five is now a year overdue. Disassembled the Avengers, Marvel’s Justice League, and killed off a few of them. Most notably Hawkeye (wholly unnecessary).
Rob Balder: First Henry Blake and now Hawkeye?
Phil Kahn: (Good one) Established the New Avengers, whose rooster consists of Captain America, Iron Man, Spider-Woman (The First), Luke Cage the Power Man, Wolverine, Spider-Man, The Sentry (A SUPER OBSCURE PRANK CHARACTER BY STAN LEE WHO’S ALMOST AS POWERFUL AS FUCKING SUPERMAN), and Soon to be Daredevil (in the guise of Ronin, a ninja, so he won’t sully the Avengers name). Directed the entire run of The House of M, which was this year’s giant crossover, which the super typical Marvel “Alternate Universe that returns everything to status quo except one detail,” where Wolverine was the essential hero. Now at its conclusion, apparently 95% of the world’s mutants no longer are mutants (Including notable X-Man Iceman), and Wolverine now REMEMBERS HIS PAST ENTIRELY. I put that in capitals because he basically removed Wolverine’s one major weakness/character intrigue. The fact that he had no idea what his past was. It was blocked out by the sick fuckos at the Weapon X program who laced his skeleton with Adamantium. So, Wolverine practically no longer has depth.
Rob Balder: It’s not the depth of the character; it’s the motion of the ocean.
Phil Kahn: Now, the inherent problem with everything Bendis does is that his primary writing method is decompressed storytelling. Basically meaning, stretching everything out as long as you can. Now this makes some stories longer than others. So things that need to be happening at the same time aren’t fucking happening at the same time. And apparently, that’s why the conclusion of Secret War still has yet to come out: Because he’s not ready for it. Now, the potential power that Secret War had is essentially nullified. Because no one fucking cares anymore. And with his New Fucking Avengers? Spider-Man? Daredevil? Power Man? Wolverine? Spider-Woman? The Sentry? All lone wolf heroes.
Rob Balder: That would be a GREAT band name. The New Fucking Avengers
Phil Kahn: It would.
Rob Balder: I’d pay the cover.
Phil Kahn: But you can’t have a pack comprised entirely of lone wolves.
Rob Balder: Except for webcomics.
Phil Kahn: … Rob.
Rob Balder: Webcomics is the exception which proves that rule.
Phil Kahn: If you don’t mind, I’m going to make this conversation a post on I’m Just Saying. Because that? Profound.
Rob Balder: Heheh not at all.
Phil Kahn: But nevertheless, you see why I fucking resent Bendis. He’s doing so many things that I am simply not happy with. Yet, when I read all these stories? I’m enjoying them. They’re well written, in and of themselves. He’s a great dialogue writer, and he knows his characters. Speaking of which, that’s the other thing about the New Fucking Avengers: All of the rooster, save Cap and Iron Man, are his “Pet Characters.” His Crutch Characters. So while he does write all of them exceptionally well, they’re still his crutch. So, not hatred for him. But resentment. And you can probably tell, Rob, that this is a subject on which I am passionate.
Rob Balder: I understand. It’s not the sense that it sucked, but the sense that it could have been so much better. The feeling of wasted potential. Same with the Star Trek universe.
Phil Kahn: Yes, it’s quite similar.
Rob Balder: Versus the Star Wars prequels, which just sucked out loud.
Phil Kahn: Wasted potential in a different sense, though. Because with Star Trek, as I see it (not being a real fan of any sort), there’s things that they could be doing that they simply aren’t. Wasted Energy. With Bendis and Marvel, this is stuff that’s taking that Potential Energy, and using it the wrong way.
Rob Balder: Ah I see.
Phil Kahn: Or in Bendis’s case, not using enough energy. Because he takes too fucking long to write his shit. Oh, he’ll have it on time every time. But stories that could span two issues require five or six. Shit like that.
Rob Balder: I see.
Phil Kahn: It’s very hard to be a Marvel Loyalist right now.
Rob Balder: I guess it must be.
Phil Kahn: Whew. Ok, I think I’ve gotten my argument concluded. Thanks Rob, now I have something to post.
Rob Balder: Heheh sure no prob.

It would appear that Kneefers has entered the fray. Check out his criticism blog, Eyeballing It.

I like what he’s done so far. Taking a very lighthearted and surface value approach to the comics. Which is great to add to the mix, because not everyone talks about webcomics as hard as some of us do, nor would they want to.

But yes, criticism enthusiasts and othersuch folk: Take an extended gander.

Hey, folks. I’m going to do something special and reply to some fan mail, right here on the site.

William G writes…

“Hey Phil.

How fond are you of “I’m Just Saying…”? I’ve noted that your output has dropped considerably since the summer.

-Bill”

That’s a good question, Mr. G. Something I’ve been wanting to address for a while out in the open, but never found a good enough reason to just out and do it. Since I’ve been asked directly, I think it’s time I say. Publicly, just in case anyone else was wondering the same thing.

Well, I’ll tell ya Will: I’m extremely fond of this here website.

The criticism game is a tough one. In that it relies heavily on speaking about other people’s work. Not only such, but speaking with proper relevance. The most common act of this sort is colloquially known as a “Snark,” named of course after Websnark (There’s a link for you, bud… When you see that traffic spike, you can thank me later).

While I jest about it, traffic is an interesting thing. I will freely admit that the numbers excite me from time to time, but it is in no way what I do this for. I’m delighted to know that there are more than a handful of people who read me with regularity. Many of which are creators whose work I respect and adore. Others are also fellow critics. It’s the dialogue. I like reading and responding to the other critics’ criticisms, chiming in with anything from a simple “I agree. Well said.” to an “Actually, I think it’s…” I like having discussions with other people who make webcomics or otherwise appreciate them. There aren’t that damned many of us involved in this scene, in the scheme of things, much less the real enthusiasts. The ones who, like me, garner a great amount of joy from splitting comics genres into things as minute as “Journal Comic,” “Quasi-Journal Comic,” and “Memoir Comic.” That kind of stuff rocks me to my core, as geeky or pretentious as it may be. I’m utterly ecstatic when I’ve been referenced.

It’s true; the frequency of my updating this here site has definitely dwindled. This in no way reflects my affections and appreciations of this establishment. But, there are several factors involved in this dwindling:

1) Snarks - These are fun things to do, particularly because of their spontaneity. What will motivate me to do one of these is when I’m reading my comics and one of the comics will have a snarkworthy installment for the day. I’ll look and go, “Oh man. I need to write about that right now.” And then I do, and then hooray.

The problem with that, lately, is that the stuff I’ve been reading hasn’t been quite as exciting as it usually is. It’s very difficult for me to put my finger on it, but a lot of the strips I’m into have been lacking in their punch. Although I’m positive that’s more on my end of things. Faith, the creators have been doing their thing just as they always have. I’m sure the decline is due to whatever reason I’m not garnering as much excitement from my strips and not some internet-wide conspiracy where everyone underperforms. So, don’t know what that’s all about. I’m definitely going to try a little harder, though.

2) Other work - I do other things. These other things will demand my attention (of which there is a deficit). I try not to spread myself out too thin. But there are other things that occupy my time, most of which involve writing, and I aim to save my writing mana for whatever scores higher on the priority list. Typically, this is schoolwork. I’m in college, I’m sure you know what it’s like.

As far as non-college activities, there are a few. I’m supposed to be finishing up my comic at some point. I oversee the operations of a budding collective. I write for Comixpedia on occasion.

I avoid talking about upcoming projects, because I am firmly convinced that if I get too excited over something, I jinx it. So, I will be vague. And I will say that I am writing/editing a book. I’m also involved in a big, ongoing discussion of sorts. Any more details on those will come when they are concrete.

I’m not complaining about my workload, I’m all the more happy with it. I am, however, complaining about the lack of energy I have to accomplish these things. I need to get some Red Bull or something.

3) Satisfaction - There’s a tangible amount of satisfaction I feel after posting something. Based on the topical relevance of the piece, the overall gravity of the piece, or the length of the piece. Usually, after I post something lengthy and heavy like the recent NaDruWriNi or the SCIII Pure Play Experience stuff, I feel satisfied. And by satisfied, I mean that my need to post, to write, my hunger to do such things are satiated for longer.

I make many analogies relating webcomics to food. Food is something I definitely know about. You could tell that much just by looking at me. But the food analogy runs deeper. Because after I’ve consumed my daily webcomics and/or written my piece, I feel satisfied. Like after a meal. It’s like, “Ok. I’ve eaten, and it was splendid. I’m not going to have to eat for a while.” And I don’t. Because I’m not hungry.

And I find myself enjoying writing fewer, longer posts over more frequent, shorter posts. The quality vs. quantity bag. This leads to…

4) Quality - I’m not going to do any sort of post unless I think it’s important or worth writing. I’m not. I don’t think I need to tell you “I’ve got nothing.” You can see that if I haven’t updated or if I haven’t popped up in your RSS feed. I’m rarely, if ever, going to take a day’s post and make it about stuff that isn’t webcomics (or a game). Because that defies this site’s purpose: writing about webcomics, games, and other related things and events. Writing about myself takes a big ol’ backseat. Because hey: That’s what a LiveJournal is for.

And before some sort of internet drama stirs up, let me explain something: The regulations I set for myself is not the conduct that I believe all others should follow. I say this because of the recent goings-on at Websnark, regarding what people thought he should be writing about. To which I would respond, “Whatever he damn well feels like.” And that’s important, because each of us writers have a totally different approach to things, as well as a totally different kind of content.

Eric and Weds cover the spectrum, they’ll write about anything and everything. Andrew reads entire webcomic archives, and then reviews them, which is awesome because that’s a heavy investment of time. Gilead gets straight to the point with writing about two things: The comics he’s currently reading (meta), and what’s going on in the comics he’s reading (snarks). Robert is a heavy hitter on the frequency of quality posts, in addition to his fan fiction. Zampzon and Daku do a podcast. Ping dedicates her time to digging up relative unknown webcomic gems. The Webcomics Examiner dissects webcomic art down to the atom. And Will is the resident loveable curmudgeon.

Me, I’m satisfied maintaining the stream-of-consciousness stuff.

So the fact is that there are plenty of us doing the criticism thing. If you don’t like the way one of us does it, one of the others is bound to suit you. And I’ll be satisfied knowing you read criticism at all, even if it’s not me.

It’s about the dialogue.

And that was a hell of a tangent, speaking of stream-of-consciousness. But I hope I’ve sufficiently explained my station. The infrequency is in no way reflective of my feelings toward the site, but a culmination of all the above things. I’ll still be here, and when I’ve got something to say, I’ll damn well say it.

As always, thanks for reading, and thanks for coming back.

Yeah, it’s the hot topic right now. Not only because it’s hot off the presses, but also because of Eric’s heartfelt nostalgia. But mainly, because Soul Calibur is just a great series.

My roommate AJ and I would lay down some Soul Calibur II action non-stop for the month or so leading up to the release of SCIII. He ordered his copy online, so he’d get a free T-Shirt. And I have to say, it’s a badass T-Shirt. But when it finally arrived, man we were stoked.

As Tycho said, fighting games like Soul Calibur are possibly the closest games to the pure play experience. Meaning getting the game, the whole game, and nothing but the game. A fighting game you can just stick in, pick up the sticks, and throw down. Loser passes the controller. Winner gets to stand up and shout out in his greatness. You can kill hours at a time playing fighting games. The game experience is so brief, and so sweet. Fierce, expedient competition. But for the moment, I want to talk about a certain individual in this game.

(Google-ganked… wish I had a current picture of the man, this is him from Soul Calibur II)

I’m a Yoshimitsu man. Some of you may roll your eyes and call me some sort of name that implies that I’m cheap. You can do that. But let me tell you, Yoshimitsu requires some mad skill. He’s a bag of tricks. A bandit prestidigitator. He can do damn near anything. Figuring out how to do that anything is but a small part of the trick. The real part comes in learning his timing.

The man is the fucking fancypants of Soul Calibur. Sure you can go with the raw functionality of a katana or a sword & shield. You can flat out destroy someone with the raw power behind a giant axe or a greatsword. You can go the finesse route with a rapier or Chinese straightsword. You can be a cheap bitch and use a sixteen fucking foot quarterstaff.

Or you can use the seemingly weak one-handed katana and flag combo. Flag may be an understatement. I’d say it’s a damned Gonfalon. Regardless, you see Yoshimitsu standing there and there’s no telling what he’ll do next. He might just administer some standard slashes with his blade. Or, he could thrust kick you in the abdomen and power up a downward slash. He could impale you upon his blade (if a successful hit, takes away 66% of your life). He might decide to fly into the air using his sword as a goddamned helicopter and land on you with a mighty cut. Or, he might do a flipping diving somersault combo. He might spray acidic mist. He might sit his ass down and meditate his health back. He might slap you with the flag he wears on his back (he can use his banner as a goddamned weapon). He might run towards you, turn his back to you, impale himself through the chest, and stab you with the blade as it emerges from the other side (taking away 50% of both players’ life totals). He might do any of that.

Thing is, anything he does that deviates from a normal (mortal) attack strategy is usually insanely impractical. He leaves himself wide open with some crazy attacks, or makes his tactics excessively avoidable. And the running hari kari? If you miss your opponent, you’re fucked for the rest of the match (unless you’re just awesome, like me). Actually hitting someone with the flying helicopter attack rarely happens on its own. And if you do the rapid spinning fist too much, you’ll fall over dizzy leaving you completely prone to any sort of attack.

So the inherent strategy in using Yoshimitsu is learning exactly when and where to utilize his millions of moves. Timing is key. Because when you nail that easily avoidable, tremendously slow, but super powerful thrusting impale maneuver… The match is practically over.

But beyond my love and adoration for the gimmickiest fighter known to man, there’s something that’s vitally important to Soul Calibur III and all fighting games.

You will be able to find someone in that game that you can identify with.

AJ is a Siegfried. He’s a blunt, strong, huge dude. He uses a greatsword because it simply gets shit done. You can’t argue with that. By all rights, that thing should be making people explode upon impact. My friend Eric is a Yon-Seung. He’s a kicker. Why even bother with a weapon when kicks are so much faster and always readily available? I’m a Yoshimitsu. A nutty bastard who’s bent around the idea that there’s always a different way to solve a problem. And in the case of Soul Calibur III, if somehow you aren’t able to identify with a character in the game, to find that special someone who’s fighting method clicks with your personality so cleanly, you can just create your own character. Make a you.

When you play a fighting game, you aren’t RPing. You’re not sitting yourself in the role of Kilik. You’re not really all that concerned with hunting down and destroying the Soul Edge. You’re not terribly worried about the moral implications involved in the fight. The only thing you’re concerned with is kicking that other guy’s ass. You pick a fighter who has a weapon that looks like it will do the job your way. Player 2 does the same.

Round 1, Fight. Twenty to fifty seconds later, the round is over. Round 2, fight. Twenty to fifty seconds later, the round is over. Sometimes, Round 3, fight. Twenty to fifty seconds later, the round is over. A winner has emerged. They deliver their victory speech while performing their victory stance. And that’s the game. Typically not too much longer than a whole two minutes. Two minutes you’ve spent engaged in brutal combat with the person sitting right next to you. Because you’re not roleplaying a fight here. You don’t win and say, “Ha! Ivy loses to Astaroth yet again!” You say, “Ha! I kicked your ass!”

Because that’s not some guy on that screen. That’s you. You’re not putting your mind into some character. You’re in that game. The fighter you’re using is merely a proxy. An avatar. An icon. They represent you. That’s how strongly we identify with these characters.

When AJ and I play, nine times out of ten the match up is Yoshimitsu vs. Siegfried. And we’ll play some thirty or forty matches. An hour or so’s worth of two-minute games have gone by. And we’ll be engrossed. Because that’s not Yoshimitsu clashing swords with Siegfried. That’s Phil going toe to toe with AJ. And that’s a prime example of the pure play experience.

What, the game itself? It’s pretty good I suppose. The amount of content has been exponentially expanded upon, which is always a good thing. The AI, however, is a bitch. Damned near impossible. With no difficulty settings for story mode. Ouch. The graphics and sound have been improved, as well as the stages (which are beautiful in and of themselves). There are cinematic stories now, instead of really vague pictures with all too brief text. In almost every way, this sequel is better than the last.

8.75 out of 10. One point off for the ridiculous AI, and .25 off for the (still) uncomfortably lengthy load/save times. If you’re at all into fighting games, this needs to be on your list. Highly recommended.

I’ve noticed a significant increase in people coming around here. So I thought I’d take a brief moment to say, “Hi. How are you? That’s good. Why not introduce yourselves?”

And every once in a while, I just want to post something cool I’ve found. Jeph Jacques dished out some damned good advice for aspiring webcartoonists.

Also, for all those interested, the UberCon VI pics are now up.